The following is a (mostly) complete transcript of e-mail exchanges I've had with a particular Ryu & Chun-Li fan. It's not complete because a couple of e-mails are missing and I had to censor one line in my lengthy response at the end because it named a name. Other than that, the only time anything is censored at all is when the the fan themself is the one self-censoring their potty mouth.
Be warned: After reading this, a number of people reportedly suffered a drop in IQ points. This person's stupidity is so pure and uncontaminated that it very well may be contagious. Proceed at your own risk. From this point on, the RCL fan's comments will be in normal font. My actual e-mail responses will be in italics, and my narratives will be in bold.
RCL Fan: "Gilgamesh, I was wondering. We all know that Chun-Li likes Ryu. Will they ever get married? (In your opinion, I mean. I think so.)
Madheffa"
Gilgamesh: "My thoughts on this are well documented.
www.kikouken.com/information/fanboys.htm
www.kikouken.com/information/cammyluv.htm"
Fan: "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?I JUST THINK RYU AND CHUN-LI SHOULD BE MARRIED! I MEAN, IT SHOULDA HAPPENED WHEN SFA FIRST CAME OUT.
MADHEFFA"
Gil: I thought I made my point pretty clear, but let me say this again: Chun-Li and Ryu will never happen. EVER.
Fan: "OMIGOD! first of all, yes, it will! YOSOCRAAAZYYY! But gimme reasons why and suggestions who goes wit who
Madheffa and flichica"
Gil: "I don't really see any of the Street Fighters hooking up. It's a fighting tournament, not a dating service."
Fan: "What does the tournament have to do with it? I am just saying. They do look together, you have to admit. Plus, I went to Fighter Mania and it said that Chun-Li had a crush on Ryu, but also on Guy. Also post that question in some forums (sprite forums) but don't tell them it is me.
Madheffa (flichica left)"
six minutes later, another e-mail...
Fan: "I just read what you said. I AM NO FANBOY! I was just curious, duh. I didn't even know he was like that! Always dealing with Ken and Akuma. No wonder he never lightens up. I still can't believe that would not happen. It is so obvious. You know what? Those type of fighters are overrated. In your opinion, who sholud be a potential date for Chun-Li? for Ryu? No dealing with tournaments!
MAdheffa"
eight more minutes later...
Fan: "I know you probably gettin' tired of me but, I just think you are a hater because you can't think of any fanfics! You know what? I have two fanfics! Ryu and Chun-Li's children! I called the oldest one Gia, and the youngest Noriyuki! How you like dat, sucka?
MADHEFFFA! (I'm really mad dis time!)"
Gil: "And I think you're a dick,so we're even."
Fan: "No we ain't! Mutha-******' ***hole! Now we is
Don't mess with Madheffa! idiot!"
I swear on my mother's life that this was the complete e-mail. "Now we is"
Gil: "'We?' Are you a member of the British Royal Family? With all the inbreeding that's gone on with them in the past, that might explain a lot. Or maybe you're just schizophrenic? Either way, Your Highness, you're still a fanboy."
Fan: "you triflin' mutha-******' ***hole! You did not have to talk about that! No wonder no one visits your site! YOU ARE MESSED UP! I AM A WOMAN, SUCKA!"
Don't mess wit da Madheffa or you get burned, silly pimp! Go lick Chun-Li's *******!"
Gil: "I see. In that case, please accept my sincrest apologies. Fangirl."
Fan: "Dis ain't over yet, Gilgamesh! I still have the upper hand in dis mess. And what are you talkin' about saying "WE?" I never said we. Plus, I also accept your apology, hater.
PS. For a college guy, you must be very immature. What u in? a fraternity?
Madheffa, da heffa who has the last laff, sucka!"
God, this girl doesn't even realize when she's being insulted.
Gil: "Uh huh. Might I ask exactly what you hope to accomplish by continuing to e-mail me? You're not going to change my opinion about Chun-Li and Ryu, and you certainly won't do it by getting all bent out of shape and hurling mindless insults. You're wasting your time, but I must admit I have had fun showing our exchanges to my fellow CCA members and having a good laugh at your own expense.
Oh, and as for that "we" thing...
'No we ain't! Mutha-******' ***hole! Now we is
Don't mess with Madheffa! idiot!'"
Fan: "First of all, you e-mailed me, so shut the **** up! I wasn't convincing ****, and I don't know how you think I was accomplishing anything! I WAS CURIOUS, YOU @$$! On the fliptip, I am 15 years old and that is silly of you keeping this ficade on being betta dan me, a-ight? I am winning this argument so tell those mutha-****** you call CCA members to wipe your @$$ HA HAA HAHAHAHAHAHA! FLUSSH! You are only foolin' yourself. BTW, I am right, you is wrong, so grow up throw away your POKEMON cards and get a REAL vocation, you know what I'm saying, PUNK *****? Don't eva e-mail me again, cause I wun dis argument and and you need to go lick some %#*$ *******!
MADHEFFA! I'm out."
Gil: "Now, now, let's look at this logically...
>First of all, you e-mailed me, so shut the **** up!
Are you saying I was the one who initiated this conversation with you? As if I was just looking to pick a fight and pulled your name out of thin air? I sure don't recall doing such a thing.
>I wasn't convincing ****, and I don't know how you think I was accomplishing anything! I WAS CURIOUS, YOU @$$!
If you were simply curious, you could have taken my calm, rational response to your initial questions about Chun-Li and Ryu and walked away. Instead, you decided to start yelling at me. Which begs the question, exactly what do you hope to get out of this, hmm?
>On the fliptip, I am 15 years old and that is silly of you keeping this ficade on being betta dan me, a-ight?
No, it's not a facade, I really am better than you.
>I am winning this argument so tell those mutha-****** you call CCA members to wipe your @$$ HA HAA HAHAHAHAHAHA! FLUSSH! You are only foolin' yourself. BTW, I am right, you is wrong, so grow up throw away your POKEMON cards and get a REAL vocation, you know what I'm saying, PUNK *****? Don't eva e-mail me again, cause I wun dis argument and and you need to go lick some %#*$ *******!
Boy, I bet your high school debate team is just begging you to sign up. You don't win a debate by ignoring the issue and calling your opponant names (though, it might get you in the White House). If one is to argue a point, they must provide evidence to support their argument a well as counter-evidence to discredit the claims of their opponants. I've provided ample evidence in my editorials, none of which you've even attempted to prove false. In fact, the only time you tried to provide any evidence at all was when you cited the Fighter Mania site, which I shall now counter. The Fighter Mania page is the very same site that contains (or rather, contained) an FAQ of all official SF plot elements. I read it quite thoroughly and no where did it mention any official evidence pointing towards a Chun-Li/Ryu relationship. In fact, it did quite the opposite by taking a position against it.
>
>MADHEFFA! I'm out.
>
Of the closet."
Fan: I told you to stop e-mailing me! I have better things to do to stay online and argue with a very teasing retard!
Gil: "Well, obviously you don't..."
Fan: "You know what? I'm tired of this feud. Let's talk and then I'll apologize. We are both smart sprite editors, we know our fighters, so... I'm sorry that I thought you were so so dumb and on drugs and that I had to throw a fit. You won. That's what you wanted. I give up. I wasn't doing anything wrong. I was a curious person. I just had all these fanfictions, like Ryu and Chun-Li having two children, that's all. OK? Can't a heffa dream? I have another life you know. So I'll be nice to you, but I will tell you this: I wasn't conivincing you nothing. I just wanted your opinion for a poll I am taking on my website. That's all. Sorry for what I said to the CCA members. They have nothing to do with this. So we cool?"
(five hours later)
Fan: "I sound weak, do I?"
Gil: "Fine by me."
Fan: "Ok. I need to find a whole bunch of sprites. Do you know where to find them (No Links on your site or sprite rip city please.) Send me a list, ok?
Not so Madheffa
BTW, I poured my heart out and all you can say is "Fine by me"? You are a heartless cold #####!
Not Madheffa, but happy."
At which point I decided to just ignore her. Then, nearly eight months later, I got an e-mail from the exact same e-mail address...
Fan: "All right, you may have heard of me before.
My name is Lapis Lazuli.
I have heard great acclaim of your site and was wishing to link your site to mine. I have great respect for Chun-Li, since she IS the most well-rounded person I have ever used. I own a great deal of sprite edits and fan-sprites. If you want you can vote for one. Also you can take anything, if you ask for permission.
I hope we will become great accomplices in future e-mails."
I didn't mind that she's reaching out to me, even though I thought and hoped she'd buggered off. What pissed me off is the credit she gave my intelligence thinking I wouldn't put two and two together.
Gil: "MAY have heard OF you?" Don't think the name change fools me. You're that Medheffa/Jem/whatever-else nitwit who sent me all sorts of hatemail just because you disagreed with one of my rants. And whatever great recognition you think you're getting from whatever little site you've built, please know that I haven't seen or heard of it, so don't be so arrogant as to assume I have. What makes you think I want anything to do with you?"
There was a brief exchange of e-mails. Nothing terribly interesting, so I didn't bother to save them at the time. Basically I was just telling her to leave me alone, and for some crazy reason I thought it'd worked. Until yesterday...
Fan: "It's me again. This time I want you to see my site. Don't say anything like "Unless it involves Chun-Li or Millennia I am not interested" because I linked you to my site, even though we cussed each other out (Actually I did all the cussing.). We both knew Chun-Li differently. I saw Chun-Li living happily ever after with Ryu. My friends think it too. You must have seen it differently, and I can understand that. I respect what you think of things. Don’t let your love for Chun-Li get in the way of making a good deal. I am a very detailed sprite editor. Regardless of all the things on my site, I respect your ideals. And you don't have to, but after you’re done, can you link my site to yours?
Lapis Lazuli.
P.S. Even though we fought I still went to your site anyway, so give me a break. The site is www.blueprint.dreamstation.com"
I considered deleting the URL from the article so as not to give this moron free advertising, but then I figured that anybody with half a brain could run her name through Google and find it anyway. So, just don't anybody send this idiot any e-mail on my behalf, all right?
Gil: "Even if it DID involve Chun-Li or Millenia, I wouldn't be interested. I've seen your site. Your work is decent, but nothing even close to being good enough for me to overlook that obnoxious episode of rabid fanboyism. For that, your editing skills would have be something really special. I mean the kind of sprite editor that can make an SNK Vs Capcom Chaos portrait like this:
http://129.15.145.197/gil/gallery/sprites/SvCC_Millenia.gif
From what I can tell, you've got a long way to go before that happens. Until then, lose my number. I want nothing to do with you."
Fan: "You PUNK! I ask you for help. I ask you to give me a break. And you act like this? I can't believe you would be that headstrong just because of what I believe. You absolutely have no respect for anyone. I put my heart and soul into my edits. Why do you act like this? I am over this junk. I don't care anymore and the way my site has been going, my fans don't think so either! I don't need your raggedy number because I don't have it! I won't need your help anymore! I'll take your name and replace it with a respectable person's. You know, even though I have changed, you certaintly haven't. You still act pig-headed. You still act like you are sagacious. You still act like your word is law. It ain't, Sucka! Thing is there has been a storyline, so that proves as much. And no one has objected my Dear Diaries or my edits, because they agree with. Now as you say: PISS OFF!"
(separate e-mail)
Fan: "By the way, you busted and a fanboy your self, and ain't that ironic?"
(separate e-mail)
Fan: "Punk."
(separate e-mail)
Fan: "Grow up."
(separate e-mail)
Fan: "Stupid immature punk."
(separate e-mail)
Fan: "obsessing over Chun-Li because he knows she is the type of woman he would NEVER get because she is a smart woman...who will run into Ryu's arms!"
(separate e-mail)
Fan: "Busted college fanboy."
Gil: "Jawoll, mein Fuhrer.
Are you done? Do you feel better now? The point I was trying to make is that the only way I’d ever be interested in hearing from you again is if you’d become some sort of sprite editing prodigy far beyond the likes of the three talented artists I’m already good friends with. Barring any such miraculous accomplishment, I’m not interested in making any kind of partnerships with you. I don’t like you.
You may not agree with what I have to say, and that’s fine. That’s your right. You could make a website with 50 gigabytes worth of Chun-Li & Ryu material and I wouldn’t say a word to you. Why? Because I firmly believe that forcing your beliefs on someone is wrong. Period. Believe it or not, I consider myself a pretty laid back guy. As long as nobody is being victimized, I live and let live. But I also have a right to my own opinions, and you couldn’t handle that. You act as though I was trying to break you up with your real-life boyfriend. If you want to live a vicarious romance through Chun-Li and Ryu, that’s your business. But don’t get all bent out of shape just because I don’t feel like playing along, little girl. YOU are the one who goes flying off the handle when someone stands by a belief that you oppose and doesn’t back down just because you e-mail them eight times in one day. Hell, I wouldn’t even call this belief of yours a real “belief.” The word “belief” implies that the matter is of something significant like politics or religion. You’re attacking me because you think two fictional video game characters, would theoretically make a romantic couple. That isn’t a belief. That’s an interpretation. And an insignificant one, at that. We aren’t analyzing soliloquies from King Leer. We’re talking about two video game characters who live only in our imaginations.
You think some guy who doesn’t like Ryu & Chun-Li is bad? The things I’ve seen on the internet would make you lose your appetite for days. How would you like to see Resident Evil’s Claire Redfield naked and being gutted like a pig? Or maybe another character that’s half her age? Learn to say “Oh well” to the little things. It is a simple fact of life that any grown-up can tell you. There will always be people with whom you disagree, and you need to learn to choose your battles. Right now, your priorities are a little out of whack.
Here’s a free lesson in life, young lady. I may not be an adult in the truest meaning of the word, but sending seven hate letters in the course of less than two hours isn’t acting “grown up” by any stretch of the imagination. And “lose my number” is a figure of speech. It means, “Never talk to me again, dipshit.”
Let me tell you a little story about another annoying, obsessed fan who didn’t know when to quit.
It first started when he came to our board, far too eager to please. He just didn't realize that we really didn't care for his excessive posts about all the things that happened in his day-to-day life. Our collective patience quickly ran thin, even more when he attempted to join the staff of the Crossover Comic Archive. The whole thing came to a boiling point, and it was then and there he made the fatal mistake of using a sock puppet (meaning, pretending be a different person) to gain support. He was banned. But that wasn't enough. Some time later, he tried again under another fake name while at the same time bugging me over AIM. Not smart. He was found out, banned again, and warned not to come back.
Guess what? He did. Another fake name and more messages. That was it. After some detective work learned from spamfighting, my CCA associate and good friend, Paul Soth, found out where he went to school and sent them an e-mail telling them about what he'd been doing. They didn't like that at all. They yanked his computer account, deleted his files therein, restricted his access to their lab, pulled him from the honor roll, and even threatened to expel him. It was at that point he came crawling back with a representative asking that we ask the school to go easy in exchange for his oath to never bother us again, or face further repercussions. Would you like to meet him and ask him how close we came to ruining his academic future? ...We busted him without breaking a sweat, and he was a lot harder to track down than someone using an AOL account would be.
With that in mind, let me say this again: Leave me alone. If you don’t, I promise you you’ll regret it. Heed this well, because that, right there, will be the last time I say it before I start reaching out to people. I will permit you to write one- and only one- more e-mail to me for the sole purpose of telling me you understand what I’ve just said. An apology for your rude behavior and a “Yes, sir” are purely optional, but highly encouraged.
Do svidanya, comrade."
Fan: "Fine. Fine. I will not apologize. I will not speak to you again. I don't want to. Oh, and for the record, I'm a boy, I can beat you down, and if you talk to me again, I will report you.
Like I say: Like or Get away from me.
College kid or not, you twist your logic. I don't want to talk to you. You a waste of E-mail. I have better thangs to do. Oh an BTW, WTTS, Um, next time, save your comics in PNG format for better quality. The high-schooler always get the last laugh.
Sincerely
Madheffa AKA Gem AKA Lazuli
Peace. I'll torch ya."
You think you can take me? Well, I certainly invite you to try. First you say loud and proud that you're "A WOMAN, SUCKA" and now you're saying you're a boy. Hmm. You must be one of those "confused" types. And somehow the fact that I don't use PNG format for my comics is supposed to give you the last laugh. Ooh, boy, you sure got me but good! That was a wicked burn! You might have a future as an insult comic the likes of which the world hasn't seen since Don Rickles! Ugh... I really hope the rest of you appreciate the crap I have to put up with all for the sake of giving you Chun-Li goodies.
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